just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
