Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
