Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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