She said her name was "party"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
