Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
