pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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