I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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