i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
