so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am available for nakedness
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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