she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
