mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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