If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
