Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Two words: blizzard sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
