I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I believe in your delicious
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
