I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize