He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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