She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
