One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize