sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize