you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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