I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize