Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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