cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
