he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize