Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
