There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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