just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
