id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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