i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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