OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
