so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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