$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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