He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
