What a fucking waste of an outfit
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
