Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
