His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
