you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
