i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
