did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
