You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
