got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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