i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
