Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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