i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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