6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
