Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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