i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
