it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
