I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
