But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
