peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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