We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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