i need an iv and a liver transplant
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
