just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
