The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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