He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
