I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize