just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
