so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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