So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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