She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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