i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
