This girl is more easily done than said...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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