Jerry, you need to find god
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
