I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
