My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
