They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
