If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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