I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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