so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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