she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
