You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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