my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
