The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
